The Not-So-Serious Biography
Waleed was born in Australia on 12th August 1974. He is still not dead.
In fact he has permanent head damage (sometimes
abbreviated to PhD) from Computer Science at the University of New South
Wales. This is after he completed his
Bachelor of Computer Engineering at the same place. Within the dark
recesses of the AI department, he spends most of the time fooling with
computers. He often gets sidetracked into doing things other than
research, such as: building robots, editing his web page, having
facetious arguments with the other inmates, disassembing (sometimes
with extreme prejudice) equipment that doesn't work any more, playing
Go, cruising the 'net. He certainly believes that, especially as far
as the Internet is concerned, the journey is just as interesting as
Waleed has a great family. He's not too well off, but he's comfortable, and
for both of these, he is grateful to the the unique Creator for all that he has
blessed him with.
Waleed has rarely been the victim of anything but his own stupidity. This
factor , however, can at times be of awesome magnitude. You can often find
hitting his head on the wall, regretting something mind-bogglingly stupid that
he has done, sometimes ten years or so before. Despite appearances, however,
most people believe he still has his sanity. This belief is probably misplaced.
You will notice that there is no picture of this individual here. This is
because the author does not want to induce nausea at such close proximity to
computers. Vomit can do serious damage to computers.
He is bearded and short. He wears lopsided glasses.
He has what can only be described as a perfect nose ... that has
been hit several thousand times with a very large mallet. People have
compared the nostrils to jet intakes. One of the incidents that Waleed
hits his head on the walls about was an incident where he inserted a
Life-Saver into one of his nostrils. He has calmed down a bit since
then. He now prefers to think of the nostrils as the ventilation
shafts required to keep what he believes to be a "large" brain from
overheating, and showering the world with the useless trivia.
Waleed's brain is unique. It operates on "inverse importance"
principle. This means that Waleed can store vast quantities of utterly
useless information (e.g. did you know that blind chameleons still
change their colour to suit the environment?), while ensuring that he
forgets the most important facts (like: when was that paper due?).
Waleed's goal is to be recognised for something other than his awful looks,
obnoxious manner and over-apologeticness. For the last, he is